Record Store Girl
We fucked on 45
On 33, It was you and me
We date on 78

You’re a limited edition
One of a kind vinyl
Take you back to my place
Play some Gaye or some Lionel
Richie, Have Rich Teas and talk about books
Talk Records, Talk Music
Keep giving me The Look

You’re a fucking picture disc
I’m charity shop bin
Take my dusty jacket off
And give this fucker a spin

We’ll Fall
We’ll Clash
Let the needle jump
You’re Specials
I’m Madness
Let’s go to mine and…

I’ll read your liner notes
And you can read mine
Well produced and laid down smooth
I Heard It Through The Grapevine

Like Queens of the Stone Age
You’re In My fucking Head
Cave can keep his No Pussy Blues
I’m taking you to bed

To Hell With Good Intentions
Enough with shitty rhymes
Let’s open up your gatefold
Extended running time.

Roses are Red

Roses are Burgundy

Roses are White

Roses are Pink

Roses are Yellow

Roses are Orange

Roses are Peach

Roses are Coral

Roses are Lavender

Roses are Black

Roses are Blue

This is a list of Roses

I have OCD.

When I was 4 

And My brother was 6 

My Dad caught him stealing a box of cakes.

As a punishment,

My Dad made him eat all twelve

Until he was sick.

When I was 12 

And my brother was 14 

My Dad caught him with cigarettes.

As a punishment,

My Dad made him smoke all 20 

Until he was sick.

When I was 18 

And my brother was 20 

My Dad found some vodka under his bed

As a punishment,

My Dad forced him to drink the entire bottle

Until he was sick.

When I was 21 

And my brother was 23 

My Dad found a needle under his bed.

As a punishment,

My Dad forced him to take all the heroin.

It rained,

At the crematorium.

I’ll never forget the day

My Dad found ecstacy

And weed

Under my bed.

He turned to me

And said,

‘Son,

I understand why you’d be drawn to these

And I’m not mad.

I just want you to know

I’ve taken all the drugs

And I know what effect they can have

And I just want you to know

That taking all the drugs is bad

As you don’t feel all the effects.

You should take them one at a time.’

I love my Dad.

I wish his heart hadn’t exploded,

From all the drugs.

Everyday would be improved

If I read in the news

You’d slit your wrists.

England wants to remove

Its Tumour.

Reasons to be cheerful, part 4.

Uhh..

Hmmm…

Well, ma…no..

What about w…no, thats stupid

OH!

I guess, like, going to th…taking a b…

…

Shit it.

Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you’re clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow’s
are lousy coz of you.

You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here… wear this polythene bag.

You’re like a dose of scabies,
I’ve got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale… Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You’ve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you’re no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide…
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You’re heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can…
TWAT.

Hitler
Sat in the ball pit.
He tried to forget his terrible war crimes
By separating the colours.

This only served to compound his memories.
—-
Adolf tumbled down the slide
Into the ball pit
Brutally crushing a tiny jewish child
“Well” said Adolf
“Das ist awkward”
—-
Adolf,
Tired of being a facist,
Opened a fast food resturant.
The sign above the door
Read
ARBEIT MACHT FRIES.
—-
Sally put away the clippers and gave Adolf the mirror
She was shot 2 days later
He asked for Ein Trim.
—-
Hitler made an annoucement
“I made a terrible mistake
I see the error of my ways
Close down Auchwitz
Release the Jews
Remove my men from Poland
And begin writing up the peace treaty.”
April 1st, 1941 was when people realised Hitler really was a shit.
—-
There once was a small group of jews
Who had a serious case of the blues
It appears Adolf Hitler
Wanted the group to be littler
So he shoved an electrical fuse
(Up their arses)
—-
Hitler and Goebbels
Stole some gerbils, but the Jew
Killing was much worse.
—-
(Hitler off, partaken in by myself and Hannah of http://forgotthecrackers.tumblr.com/)